Friendship

I have been thinking a lot about friendship lately. The big move my family and I made in 2019 has brought many changes. Some are what we expected and some not what we wanted! Changes are here everyday, whether we are ready or not. We learned to adapt to our environment and the people around us.

Friends whom I value a lot, are mostly not living in the same country with me any more. Sad? Yes, there were times when I do miss them. My mind is telling me to find new friends. And I have tried, but somehow people are either too busy to hang out with me and get to know me or maybe I am still living in the shadows of my “good old friends”. Can you identify with this?

Don’t worry about me. I am still trying; not giving up looking for friends or being a friend to someone. I figure if I want to have friends, I should try to be someone’s friend too eh? I tend to be very sympathetic towards people who need help and ends up giving more than enjoying “friendship”.

According to Betterhelp.com, friendship has to have these minimum three things: It’s a stable, longstanding bond; it’s positive; and it’s cooperative—it’s helpful, reciprocal, I’m there for you, you’re there for me.” I totally agree! I have a friend, I thought was a good friend. I shared most deep things of my heart with her. We prayed regularly. After a few months of praying together and relating to each other, I began to see that I was the one who often shares about what is going on in my life – the good, bad and ugly. But my friend very seldom talks about her personal challenges. Not that I had hoped she has more than I do, but there was not this sense of “reciprocal, I’m there for you, and you can be there for me too.” I realised that there was a wall in front of her. I will never truly have a “good friend” in her, because she just wanted to “save” me but not wiling to allow me to get close to see who she really is.

I watched this friend goes through loneliness and rejection, but I could not get close enough to be there for her. She eventually totally shut me off and went on to find other friends. Maybe I was not that kind of friend she needed?

I thought about different level of friendships. Different kinds of friends. Is that possible? I think so. Friends we go out occassionally with, to watch a movie or go on a trip for fun with. Friends whom we can call upon to listen to our heart cries or pray with us, no matter how far they may be. Friends that we minister together with, but don’t really hang out with us outside ministry.

We were living overseas for more than 10 years. A couple whom we got to know very well became great friends of ours. They defined to me what true friendship looks like. They were there to listen to our heartaches and struggles with a team mate. They never once judged us or told us to get on with life and stopped moaning. They prayed with us. They accepted us where we were. I am convinced that they also prayed for us on their own. Now these are the friends who we would trust our lives with. We still would connect with them by texting messages. We meet on zoom monthly. Now this is the kind of friendship I am going for and hope to bring to those I care. They are by no means perfect people, but they are the kind of people I want to have lifelong friendships with.

Can there be friends whom we have to walk away from? Yes, my experiences told me so. No doubt, it was sad for me, but I have concluded that if I cannot trust that friend anymore, even after we have talked through issues, it is best that I draw a healthy boundary around me with this friend. The most painful exeprience that anyone can have is when we are misinterpreted by our friends and betrayed by them. Like Jesus, who forgave Judas for selling him out, I forgave these ones. It does pain me that they did not give me a chance to explain myself They would rather listen to lies told by another about me. It is ok to release such a friend and move on.

Recently, a very dear family member was betrayed by two close friends. People whom he would do life with and trusted with his whole heart. He had helped these two “friends” when they had no where to live. Due to some selfish reasons, they had plotted behind his back to lie to him. It was heart breaking for him and for me. He told me that his mind was overwhelmed with thoughts. He was trying to figure out why this had happened.

There are days when it was not easy to be like Jesus to forgive the “Judas” in our lives. When I dwell on how to punish these people, I was angry and bitter. I was not happy. But when I chose to surrender them to God and I declared out loud to myself, to the devil and to Jesus : “I forgive them Lord. They owed me a debt that they cannot pay but You have paid on their behalf. I let go in Jesus’ name!”, there and then I found a way out of my own dark cave.

I like some of these quotes on “friends” :-

“New friends may be poems but old friends are alphabets. Don’t forget the alphabets because you will need them to read the poems.” -William Shakespeare

“No one is busy. It all depends on what number you are on their priority list.” -Anonymous

Ouch! This is so true. What is our priority? We will give time to what or who we think is important to us. Don’t be fooled! If someone in your life keep telling you that he is too busy or she is very busy and cannot meet you or give your a text reply, it is time to wake up about this relationship. Maybe it is time to stop waiting for this person and focus your time on those who value you.

This morning when I asked Jesus if He would spend sometime with me, He replied immediately: “I love spending time with you”.

Proverbs 18:24 (Amplified) The man of too many friends [chosen indiscriminately] will be broken in pieces and come to ruin, But there is a [true, loving] friend who [is reliable and] sticks closer than a brother.

Prayer: Lord Jesus thank You for being our loyal and loving Friend. May we be a true friend to someone today. Amen!